


Of silbinghood and chronic illness

by Tooqueerforaclevername



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Loki (Marvel), Civil war issues still need fixing, Dad!Tony, Gay Steve Rogers, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Odin's A+ Parenting, Son!Peter, Thor isn't stupid, Timeline: As tho cut scene from Thor 3 never happened, exploring gender issues, exploring mental health issues, exploring silbinghood though the eyes of two broken siblings, neither pro nor anti team cap, thor and loki silbinghood, thor is a secret nerd, timeline: ignoring Avengers iffinity wars and Avengers 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:31:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tooqueerforaclevername/pseuds/Tooqueerforaclevername
Summary: They made it to Earth, They now have to re-learn how to be siblings. New issues show up but now the siblings are one unit like before.Deals with issues such as Loki's mental health, possible chronic illness and exploring gender issues though the lens of two siblings trying relearning and remember what it's like to be siblings once more without the weight of Odin's lies.





	1. Who picked my gender because I sure didn't get an option

Loki didn't know where he fit in anymore. Monster was easy, everyone wants someone to hate or fear. Trisker, it was fun and he made kids clap. What was he without fear and self hatred to fuel him? He missed laying at his mother's feet in the garden. She would know, she would set him on the right path. Somehow between being a child and an adult, he walked off the pathway and ended up in the darkest part of the forest. The darkness became a friend, told him things. Now he knows the darkness was using him. Thanos, Grand Master. Neither were able to love him.

Thor tried. Oh how he tried, Loki thought as he watched Thor try to explain the glory of magick to the Avengers. Loki wanted to cry. How he had longed for the moment Thor called him “Cool”, instead of letting his friends mock him. But it felt in some ways, far too late. His neck had hand prints from his death, his mind was barely in working order, and he was starting to question his gender again. 

He just wanted everything to be all okay again. To know his place, and his role. He slipped away from the meeting. He wasn't really an avenger, not really. He looked at himself in the mirror. He wished his hair was longer and that it wouldn't be so unruly. He also loath his male-ness. Why did this keep happening? He wondered. Was it a reaction to stress?

He looked at his wrists. He swore he was loosing more weight again. He tried to eat but nothing offered tasted any good. It was just take out after take out. He longed for something more real. He could count his ribs though his leathers, see every bone in his wrists. He looked like a dead man walking. He wondered what if, what if he shifted to female. What would it feel like it?

Loki let the magick do the thinking for him for once. He watched as his body shifted. She blinked at the lost of height but liked the longer hair. She couldn't shake the thinness off but she figured that was fair. Her uniform shifted along with her to match her curves. For once the weight was gone, the urge to cut faded and she felt a bubbling of joy. She wanted to run down stairs, tell Thor what she had done.

Thor stared, he had gone to find Loki when he had walked off. He had been worried Loki felt left out of the mission planning. He never expected to find his brother as his sister. Unlike Hela, Loki lacked her crazy. She reminded him more of Wanda. A shy person trying to fit into a role she never agreed to. 

Loki turned to Thor and slipped into herself. The joy was gone, now fear was all she knew. Thor saw the shift and moved carefully to her. He slipped her into his arms and rubbed her back.

“ Your okay, Loki. Nobody will hurt you, I won't allow it” Thor says into her black hair.  
“ I don't think I'm a boy, Brother...” Loki says.  
“ I know. I found out from Val that Frost Giants don't have a gender. They're all intersexed. I had wondered since learning that if you would express it by being Trans or something else. “ Thor says.  
“So..you saw it coming, Brother?” Loki asks.  
“ Aye, your gender is deeply personal, sister. It don't change your status as an Avenger nor your rank.” Thor says.  
“ I'm not really a team member tho...I never was...” Loki mumbles.  
“ of course your an Avenger, Sister. Don't doubt your new friends so easily. We were all worried when you disappeared. I realized I took over your job of explaining magick. I just wanted you to see I supported it. We need your help to defeat Dr.Doom. “ Thor explains.  
“I'm...needed?” Loki asks.

The others had come up since Thor was taking so long. They didn't expect to see Lady Loki as Thor was proudly dubbing her. Loki looked at the others and the bubble of panic shot though her. Thor put a protective arm around her and made it clear he wasn't playing. Tony just handed Loki a folder with the mission plan. Loki was shy but opened it up.

“ You had us worried when you walked away. I had a feeling Steve asking Thor about magick would push you out. Seems odd to ask a non-Witch about Witchcraft if you ask me” Tony says.  
“ Thor is king, seems more sense to ask the leader the questions” Steve says.  
“ Thor isn't a witch, Cap. He knows nothing about magick. He was talking out his ass to support Loki. I would ask Wanda, Loki or Dr.Strange long before I would ask Thor about magick.” Tony says.

The two just glared at the other. Thor sighed. He was in no mood to get in the middle of their civil war. He noticed Loki shared the same look. He figured Loki had her fill of drama to last her a life time. Loki goes over the notes and sighs.

“Sis?” Thor asks.  
“ Your knowledge of Magick is worse than a first year...” Loki says.  
“ Damn...that bad,huh?” Thor said, grinning.  
“ Dr.Droom is using hexcraft. What you humans call “black magick”. But he's weak in it, leans more on his robots yet he is torn between science and magick, and thusly masters neither. It's his weak spot.” Loki says.

Tony grinned. Loki was more brains than crazy. All it took was giving Loki something to do, a way to aid the team. Thor noticed how thin Loki was and looked worried as he wrap one hand around Loki's wrist with more than enough to spare.

“Loki, have you been eating...?” Thor asked.  
“ I try to but...so sick of take out. It's not even real food. I eat it anyways however” Loki says.

Thor takes Loki to Bruce to have her looked over. Something is clearly wrong. Bruce has Thor lay Loki down on the medical table. Thor strokes Loki's left hand as Bruce scans Loki. Bruce takes his time and Thor swears time has gone still all over again. 

“ I see Loki's issue. Not common but not uncommon either” Bruce says.  
“ Which is, friend Bruce?” Thor asks.  
“ An autoimmune disorder. In easy terms? Loki's body is attacking itself trying to fix an issue that may or may not exist. Loki most likely had it her whole life. But recent issues, and not having food that appeals to her is making it a lot worse. Better diet, a good drug plan and Loki should swing back the other way. Never 100% well but no longer helpless either” He explains.

Thor is sad, Loki had always been so sick and always so frail. Yet, Loki raised from the ashes as a sick child swore never to see teen-hood to become the most powerful mage in all 9 realms. He had to retrain his thinking. His sister, his brother, his beloved sibling was far from helpless. Loki will raise again, and Thor vowed to hold Loki's hand in pride the whole way to the top.


	2. Thor promises a zoo and Loki gets a zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is so done with civil war drama, Bucky agrees

Loki's illness changed everything, not that Thor wanted it to. Loki's position on the team became an issue. Steve wanted Loki off. Tony refused to kick Loki off the team. Loki spent so much time in bed sleeping, she rarely saw what was going down outside her bedroom. Natasha sided with Steve, Bucky sided with Tony. Wanda and Vision wanted nothing to do with the new fight. Clint agreed with both sides. Thor barely partake in the fights. His job was to tend to Loki.

Thor sat on the deck with Loki in his lap. The full moon made him think of his mother and also all the times he and Loki snuck out to the gardens at night. Loki was having a bad flare, and was always coughing. Thor held the glass of tea as Loki drank from it.

“ You must tire of me, Brother...” Loki says.  
“ Never, Sister. I promised mother I would tend to you. I failed you, over and over. Not now, not ever again.” Thor says.  
“ How can you save me? This isn't something you can smash with a hammer” Loki asks.  
“ No, I must, for once, use my heart not my hands. It's a great lesson, one I need to learn” Thor says.  
“ Your friends fight due to me, however” Loki says.  
“ Aye, but the fight is never about you. Steve is so used to always being followed, that when Tony said 'no', he doesn't know what to do now. Then Bucky siding with Tony was the final straw. Bucky loves Steve but he hates bullies more than he loves Steve. They will figure things out. It's not for you to fess over. Your job is to rest and get well. You were always a phoenix, Loki. You shall rise once again.” Thor says.

Loki beamed at him and laid her head back down on his shoulder. Thor looked up as Bucky walked over. Bucky looked run down and tired. He nods to the chair, he took no issue with Bucky. Bucky nods himself and sits down.

“ Loki, haven't seen you much” Bucky says.  
“ Bruce has me on mostly bed rest but I'm so restless. So he snuck me out. Like good old times” Loki says with a grin.  
“Old times,huh?” Bucky says.  
“ Father used to leave me for months in bed, little contact. Brother would sneak in anyways and sometimes take me out to the garden at night. Mother knew. One time father found out. He threatened to beat Thor for it. Claimed it was for risking me. Now we know. Odin planned to gift me to Thor as a war prize. Make me have lots of babies for Thor's rule. Night time is really cold, I could have turned blue or Thor notice my fever turned me ice cold, instead of super hot.” Loki explains.  
“ Your father is a piece of shit...” Bucky says with a huff.  
“ I think, in his own twisted way, it was the only way he knew how to love me. But he is dead now, he can no longer hurt me, and Brother now knows the truth.” Loki says.

Bucky feels bad for Loki. Thor pulls the blanket up to Loki's shoulders. Loki starts to drift off as Bruce walks over. Bucky grins, he knows that look and he is thrilled it's not directed at him.

“What the hell are you thinking, Thor! Your sister is nearly terminal and you bring her out into the cold night in just a night grown? What kind of love is that!” Bruce yells  
“ Loki is the rightful King of Jotunheim. Loki is from a land of ice and snow. This feels like summer there to her. Be careful of accusing me of trying to murder my own kin, Bruce” Thor says.  
“ You risked Loki's life for nothing!” Bruce shouts.  
“ Loki is tired of seeing the same 4 walls of her room” Thor says.  
“ Too damn bad, she has no say in the matter” Bruce says.  
“Hey, leave them alone already. Thor loves Loki and I've seen Loki walk barefoot in snow without even caring. This? This is a joke compared to that. If her moral goes down, she'll just self harm or worse. She'll get better faster if she is given hope” Bucky says.

Bruce is taken aback but Bucky speaking up. Tony smiles at Bucky, he likes a person who doesn't goose step into line. Bruce makes a face and walks back inside. Bucky rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair.

“ How does Loki sleep though that?” Tony asked.  
“ Loki is sick, Friend Tony. She looses her second wind too easily of late. Bruce says the flare is almost done. Once it is, I'm going to take Loki to the zoo. They have owls and thats Loki's latest favorite animal.” Thor says.  
“ Sounds good. Nice to see Loki on her feet once again.” Tony says.

Thor was thrilled when Loki came downstairs a few months later, fully alive. Loki was having a male day and stole Thor's poptart as he walked by. Thor pouted at him.

“ Typical little sibling...always stealing my stuff...” Thor says with a grin.  
“ Saving you from trash. “ Loki says with a wink  
“ You never do that with my pizza tho...” Thor says.  
“Your pizza is such trash, it belongs in a trash can, not my mouth” Loki says.

Thor laughs at that and hugs his brother. Loki smiles at the hug. Just a year ago, Loki would have deemed the hug a sign Thor seen him as a weaker than himself. Thor shows the tickets for the zoo, he had gotten tickets ahead of time for the bird special. Loki lights up and Thor graps his starkphone. 

It was early May, just warm enough to be spring but not hot enough to e a warning of summer to come. Thor kept taking live vids of Loki with each bird, showing how happy Loki was. Thor got them ice cream and they sat by the wild geese. 

“ You still feeling okay, Brother?” Thor asks.  
“ Abit...over whelmed but I don't feel sick like before” Loki says.  
“ Your Bipolar, right? That's what you were explaining before?” Thor asks.  
“ Yes, they say its genetic and there's a good chance my birth father or birth mother gave it to me” Loki says.  
“ You'll be alright, Brother. We'll take it slow” Thor says

Loki nods and nuzzles into his side. He has found the one throne he does want, and it's Thor.


End file.
